Missed Chances
by EternallyEC
Summary: Can Natalie help John accept the fact that he's not responsible for every bad thing that happens in the world? My take on how the plane crash with John and Todd might have gone, written a few weeks before the actual fact.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters within this chapter.

**Author's Notes: **It has been a long, long time since I saw a promo that shocked me, and that is exactly what the one for this storyline did.

**Story Status: **Well, I'm thinking this is going to be a mini-series type fic because the muse just was not content with a one-shot. I am going to try to concentrate on this one to its' end simply because I'm tired of starting things and not finishing them.

**Title: **Missed Chances

Natalie had been awake all night listening to the news. She didn't know why, but she had an ominous feeling from the moment she'd watched the plane lift off. Bo had assured it was a standard transfer and that nothing could go wrong, but she'd still gone home with a heavy heart. She was curled up on the couch with the news on and the radio turned up loud, sipping a glass of wine as she waited for the news her heart knew was coming.

Suddenly, the silently laughing family on the television screen was replaced by the breaking news bulletin at the same as the radio played their breaking news music. She sat up straight, gasping as pictures of John and Todd flashed on the television screen. The deejay's voice was a dull roar in her ear as they announced that the plane carrying Llanview's Chief of Detectives John McBain and the baby killer Todd Manning had gone down about ten minutes earlier.

"While rescue workers are still en route to the scene, the likelihood of any survivors is reputed to be microscopic at best. We will keep you updated as this story progresses." The music played again before fading back into the song they had been playing. Natalie's eyes were bright with unshed tears as the pictures of Todd and John remained on screen. "Oh my god, no." She stood to her feet and stumbled to the door, jumping when her cell phone rang.

She rushed over to it feeling an almost impossible rush of hope as she saw Bo's name. "Uncle Bo?" "Natalie, I'm calling to tell you before it reaches the media—" "Too late, Uncle Bo. I just heard." She laughed dryly, and it chilled Bo to the bone. "Natalie—" "Do you know anything?" she cut him off.

"No. We're on the way to check everything out now. I'll call you as soon as I do. Just stay put and call Rex or Jessica to come stay with you, okay sweetheart?" "I'll be fine. Just—keep me updated, please." There was the slightest trace of tears in her voice as she finished speaking and hung up the phone. She brushed away the few stray tears that were dripping down her face as she grabbed her keys, turned the lights off and practically ran for her car.

John McBain dragged himself from the wreckage, his body bruised and covered with dirt. He finally managed to pull himself to his feet, bracing himself on a tree trunk as he watched the flames licking at the plane. He looked down at his hands and gasped to see that they were covered with blood. Suddenly he heard a scream come from the plane, then an eerie silence. "What have I done?" Hearing sirens, he turned towards the darkened woods. He had to get away before Bo got there.

Bo Buchanan sighed as he watched the plane burning bright against the sky. He knew the chances were slim to none that anyone could have survived that crash, and that if anyone had then they wouldn't make it far. He called the station and told them to get the search party ready. As he hung up he shook his head.

He doubted John McBain or Todd Manning had survived the crash, and he had no idea how to tell Natalie or Viki.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters within this chapter.

**Title: **Missed Chances 2?

John coughed as he stumbled through the woods. He knew he had to get out of the woods before Bo had his men start searching. If they started searching there was no way he could avoid them in the condition he was in. If they found him, they'd discover what he had done. He shuddered, revulsion rolling over him as the memory started to overwhelm him…

He shoved it to the back of his mind, hiking through the woods blindly. He had to concentrate on finding the nearest town and finding a place to hide out. After a while, things would die down and he'd be able to go back. Till then he would just have to let people think he was dead.

He could let everyone else believe he was dead, but there were three people he knew he wouldn't be able to put through that pain. He made a silent vow to call Natalie and Michael as soon as he could. He wouldn't be able to tell his brother much, but he could spare him and his mom the pain of thinking they'd lost another family member to the job.

As for Natalie… He remembered the way she had spoken to him at the airport. Her voice was filled with pleading desperation as she tried to talk him out of going. He had almost kissed her then, but had forced himself to jerk out of her grip and walk through those gates. If had kissed her, where would he be right now? There were so many missed chances, so many opportunities he wished he had taken.

He was so lost in thought he almost didn't realize when he broke through the trees and saw a clearing in front of him. He stopped to rest against a tree and squinted. There were several lights not too far beyond the edge of the clearing. He knew he needed to get to them so he took a deep breath and started off again.

Natalie's car zoomed through the police barricade before the guard even had time to think about stopping her. It barely slowed down her car, which was small and sporty but built tough. She skidded to a stop and was out of the car almost before it had stopped. "Uncle Bo?" He turned out, a look of expectation on his face. "I had a feeling you would find your way up here. Natalie, you need to go home."

"I am not going home until I find out what happened to John!" There was something in her tone that made Bo shake his head and allow her to stay. He knew that she was going to be there one way or another, short of him arresting her. "We probably won't find anything out tonight," he said, knowing it wouldn't make any difference. "I'm going to be here in case you do."

John sighed as he trudged through the small, quiet town. He had washed his hands in a nearby river when he'd realized the blood was still caked on them but in his mind he still saw it. The evidence, the proof that he had done what he wished he hadn't still was still caked underneath his fingernails.

He finally found a cheap motel on the outskirts of town and paid an exorbitant fee, but at least he had a place to stay. He stripped down and took a shower, taking solace as the water scalded his body. It was like it was burning the secret away. He climbed out, wrapping the towel around his body as he walked over to the phone. He picked it up, his fingers hesitating over the numbers as he tried to decide whom to call first. He shook his head and dialed.

Natalie's cell phone rang and her eyes widened with recognition when she saw the name. "Hello?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters within this chapter.

**Title: **Missed Chances 3?

RECAPS: The plane carrying Todd Manning and John McBain went down. Natalie had been waiting for it and quickly rushed to the crime scene as Bo thought about how slim the chances of either of them being alive was. Unbeknownst to them, John was slipping through the woods haunted by the memory of something he had done and his hands covered with blood. He then found a small hotel and booked a room, picking up the phone to call either Natalie or Michael. Natalie's cell phone rang and she recognized the caller…

_Previously_

_He picked it up, his fingers hesitating over the numbers as he tried to decide whom to call first. He shook his head and dialed._

Natalie's cell phone rang and her eyes widened with recognition when she saw the name. "Hello?"

"Darling, I just heard about the crash! Is everything all right? How are you doing?" After a few minutes Natalie convinced Viki that she was perfectly fine, and then she wanted to know if she'd heard anything from Bo. She somberly handed her phone over and listened to Bo try to comfort her mother. After a moment he promised to call Viki with anything new he came up with and handed the phone back to his niece.

Just as she took it the phone rang again. She jumped sharply and then frowned at the unfamiliar number. After a second of debate she flipped her phone open and put it to her ear. "Hello?" "Natalie, it's John." He heard her soft gasp and hurried to add, "Don't say a word. You're at the crash site, aren't you." It was a statement, he knew her well enough to know that's where she would be. "Yeah, I am." "Okay, I need you to get out of everyone's earshot."

Natalie frowned, walking away until she was away from everyone. She glanced around before saying, "Okay, the coast is clear." "I need you to listen carefully. I did something; something pretty damn bad. I'm going to have to lay low for a while but I couldn't let you think I was dead… You, Michael and my mom are the only three who are going to know the truth but you can't tell anyone."

She was feeling frightened and her fear was evident in her voice as she whispered, "John, what did you do?" She heard him sigh. "I can't tell you, Natalie. Not over the phone like this anyway." "Okay, then tell me where you are and I'll come see you. We can figure this thing out together." "Natalie, I can't drag you into this." "You're not dragging me into anything. I'm volunteering. I'm not going to be able to believe that you're okay until I see you, John. Can't you understand that?" "I think I need a friend right now," he said softly and told her where he was staying. She hung up after promising him she was on his way.

Bo watched his niece get into her car, frowning. She had claimed somebody had called her with an emergency and she had to leave right away. He wasn't buying it. His gut was telling him that the emergency had something to do with John McBain, and he knew that if he was right John had to have done something bad. He shook his head and turned around. "Jenkins. I want you to put a tail on Natalie. But stay far behind her—my niece has an eagle eye and I don't want her to know anything about this." Jenkins nodded as he went and climbed into one of their plainclothes cars.

Natalie's eyes went from the address and room number on her hand to the room number on the door. Satisfied that it was the right one she knocked. Her eyes widened and she gasped as the door swung open, revealing a very bruised and half-naked John McBain.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters within this chapter.

**Title: **Missed Chances 4?

RECAPS: The plane carrying Todd Manning and John McBain went down. Natalie had been waiting for it and quickly rushed to the crime scene as Bo thought about how slim the chances of either of them being alive was. Unbeknownst to them, John was slipping through the woods haunted by the memory of something he had done and his hands covered with blood. He then found a small hotel and booked a room, picking up the phone to call either Natalie or Michael. Natalie got a call from John and left to go meet him. Bo, feeling suspicious, put a tail on her. She went to the motel where he's staying, knocked on the door and he answered.

_Previously_

Natalie's eyes went from the address and room number on her hand to the room number on the door. Satisfied that it was the right one she knocked. Her eyes widened and she gasped as the door swung open, revealing a very bruised and half-naked John McBain.

John smiled weakly and moved aside to let Natalie come in. She did so and he shut the door. "Were you followed?" She shook her head. "Uncle Bo put a tail on me but I shook him pretty quick. He's probably still driving down that road," she said with satisfaction in her voice. He chuckled and shook his head, running his hand over his hair.

Natalie tried to keep her mind off the fact that he had clearly just showered and was wearing only his ripped pants as she embraced him, thanking God that he was really there. "I'm so glad that you're alive," she whispered. He inhaled the rich strawberry scent of her shampoo as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. "I'm here." She pulled back, her eyes slowly moving to his well-toned chest.

She swallowed and turned around, trying to catch her suddenly shaky breath. "Sorry about the pants, I hadn't really packed for an overnight. My shirt was beyond repair." She turned around, silently thanking him with her eyes as she picked the shirt up with one finger, examining it before dropping it again. "Clearly." She turned around and sat on the bed, patting the empty space beside her.

John sat, making sure to keep space between them. "So, we should probably get right down to it." He smiled at her. "Have I ever told you that I love how blunt you are?" She smiled; seeming to glow in the light of his smile that was seen far too little. "All right. The transport was going by the book at first. Everything was routine—which you know is the code word for boring right?" She smiled and waited for him to continue.

"About thirty minutes in, the trouble started. Margaret Cochran came in from the back of the plane waving a gun and yelling about how she needed Todd to deliver her baby." Natalie gasped but remained silent to let John continue. "I finally talked her into letting me do it after reminding her that police officers are trained in childbirth." He swallowed, and Natalie reached down to take his hand into hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"She started hemorrhaging just as the final contraction came. The baby was a little girl, but she wasn't breathing." His voice cracked at this point, but he held up his hand when Natalie started to speak and he continued. "I did everything they taught us to do, but it was no use. The baby died. Margaret's hemorrhaging had stopped and she was too weak to do anything but scream for her baby." He wiped his eyes angrily and took deep breaths. "I couldn't save her," he whispered. Natalie gripped his hand tighter, offering her his strength and giving the tiny soul that had never had a chance to experience life a moment of silence.

Finally John was able to continue. "Todd had gotten loose during the mayhem, and he tried to shoot one of the guards. The bullet ricocheted and hit the pilot instead. We tried to keep the plane airborne, but it crashed. Everything went black, and the next thing I knew I was waking up to a wall of flames. I fought my way out of the plane, listening to Margaret scream for help. Todd was already dead. I passed him on my way out. But Margaret—I could have saved her, Natalie. But I chose to save my own sorry life instead."

Natalie brought his hand up to her lips and kissed it fiercely as his head dropped. He was too ashamed to meet her eyes. She reached a hand and gripped his chin, forcing him to meet her gaze. "John, there is nothing you could have done. If you had gone back for Margaret, you both would probably be dead right now. You did nothing wrong." "But how do I know that she wouldn't have survived if I'd just goner back?"

Her heart broke at the pleading that was in his voice and his eyes. "She was already weak from the blood loss and labor, John. I highly doubt she could have made it through the flames and far enough away from the plane for her to survive." Her hand moved to cup his cheek. "What you're suffering? It's called survival's guilt and it's suffered by millions of people who have been in your situation. You have done nothing to warrant your hiding from the law, John."

His eyes locked on hers, taking solace from the assurance and warmth he saw there. His hand reached up to brush the hair away from her face and then moved down to lightly stroke her cheek with the back of his hand. He wondered about what he was doing, but he was tired of missing chances.

Natalie licked her lips, and she watched as John moved forward. "John," she whispered as he captured her lips with his. She returned the kiss eagerly, running her hands along his strong shoulders as he tangled his hands in her hair. Her mind screamed at her to stop, but her heart wouldn't let her. This was a long time coming.

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters within this chapter.

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the smut tease(s), I think my smut muse is tapped out today.

**Title: **Missed Chances 5/5

RECAPS: The plane carrying Todd Manning and John McBain went down. Natalie had been waiting for it and quickly rushed to the crime scene as Bo thought about how slim the chances of either of them being alive was. Unbeknownst to them, John was slipping through the woods haunted by the memory of something he had done and his hands covered with blood. He then found a small hotel and booked a room, picking up the phone to call either Natalie or Michael. Natalie got a call from John and left to go meet him. Bo, feeling suspicious, put a tail on her. She went to the motel where he's staying and he told her that during the transport he'd delivered Margaret's baby girl as she hemorraged, the baby died and then Todd had tried to shoot a guard but accidentally shot the pilot. John had passed out on impact then stumbled out amidst Margaret's screams. Natalie told him that it was not his fault and he kissed her.

Previously

Natalie licked her lips, and she watched as John moved forward. "John," she whispered as he captured her lips with his. She returned the kiss eagerly, running her hands along his strong shoulders as he tangled his hands in her hair. Her mind screamed at her to stop, but her heart wouldn't let her. This was a long time coming.

Natalie smiled as she woke up and felt John's strong arms wrapped around her. She turned around so that she was facing him and thought about the night before. It had been about reconnecting and proving to each other that their love was still there. He'd finally told her the words as he had drifted off to sleep.

She smiled as she leaned in and kissed his forehead gently. He looked like a little boy asleep in her arms. She remembered the nights she would get home late and find him asleep on the couch. He never slept as soundly as when her arms were wrapped around him, and the same was true of her. She hadn't slept well since Statesville, and only in the darkness of the night could she admit that it was because she missed the warm protection of his arms.

John's eyes opened and he smiled to see her watching him with love in her gaze. "Morning." She smiled. "Is that the only good morning I get?" She pouted slightly and he leaned in, capturing her lips in a warmly passionate kiss. As he pulled back he asked, "Better?" She nodded. "Screw Folgers. That is the way to start the morning off right." He chuckled and took her hand, watching as his fingers interlaced with hers. "We fit so perfectly," he whispered.

Natalie smiled as she brushed his cheek with the back of her free hand. "Yeah, we do." She brought their entwined hands to her lips and kissed his firmly. "I love you, John. I know I said I wasn't sure if I had forgiven you or not that day at Rodi's, but I lied. I was just afraid to let you in too much, you know?" He nodded, releasing her hand and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you too, and I get it." She smiled warmly. "I'm never going to get tired of hearing you say that," she admitted.

"Well I'm never going to get tired of saying it, so I guess we're even." "John, I hate to bring it up but we do need to call Bo and tell him that you're alive." He sighed. "I know. I'm just…" His voice trailed off as he tried to figure out the words to express how he felt. "You don't want to have to tell Margaret's sister that she was alive the entire time and letting everyone believe that she was dead… Or that she is dead for certain this time." He nodded, suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude.

"Thank you, Natalie." She looked confused. "For what?" "For just being you. For knowing what I'm trying to say even when I don't. For understanding why I did everything I did to and for you. Just thank you." He pulled her into his arms, kissing her soundly. He wasn't going to miss any more chances to tell her how much she meant to him, even if it meant he said it every minute of every hour for the rest of his life.

Or better yet, he could show her, he thought with a grin as his hand slipped down to cup her breast, gently squeezing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

FIN


End file.
